Diary of a Snow Shoveler

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to
her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did but I think she's lying.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
asshole is lying.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
cruel.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to

do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

Newmindspace Full Moon Gathering - this Friday

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=49661557360

Over the last 4 years, Newmindspace has fought to reclaim public space, played on subway cars, battled with pillows in concrete plazas, and built a community across the world. This is the urban playground movement.

Kevin is leaving Toronto for New York in January for personal reasons, and this move is likely permanent.

*** Newmindspace will still put on events in Toronto!***
We will still do our annual pillow fight, bubble battle, subway parties, capture the flag, and lightsaber jams.

But we want YOU to think of events we've never done before. We want YOU to take ownership of the urban playground movement. This is a gathering on the night the full moon will be closest to the earth in 15 years. This is a night to dream big, invent the future, and shoot for the stars.

We will have guest speakers, a brainstorming session, the Newmindspace booth, and refreshments. Then an epic, free, all-ages afterparty somewhere else ;)

$ Cost: PWYC sliding-scale donation

*******

FULL MOON GATHERING
FRIDAY DECEMBER 12th 2008
RAW SPACE - 221 STERLING UNIT 5
7 PM - 10 PM

Directions: Raw Space is a large, beautiful photography studio that we used for our party Luminescence in January.

1. Begin at Lansdowne subway station
2. Walk west under the bridge
3. Make the first left onto Ruttan Ave.
4. Make a left onto Merchant Ln.
5. Walk down the middle alleyway

Map: http://tinyurl.com/rawspace

Technorati : Newmindspace
Del.icio.us : Newmindspace
Zooomr : Newmindspace
Flickr : Newmindspace

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?

Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

Vital anti-flu tips

With everybody running around getting the flu shot and/or getting sick, i felt it prudent to post some anti-flu tips.

1. DO NOT GET THE FLU. Remember, prevention is still the best form of medicine. That means no inhaling flu microbes, no licking strange bathroom tiles, and no eating the flu. I am looking sternly in your direction, flu-fetish community.
2. KILL ALL RATS ON SIGHT. Remember that they are known to carry the flu and may wheeze on you unexpectedly if they get too close! I am sorry rats I love you all but this must be done! Also, small funny looking dogs.
3. WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND GETS THE FLU, BURN THEIR BODIES. This can be very difficult for a number of reasons. Sometimes it is hard to accept that you have to part with a loved one. Sometimes the loved one is saying "Man quit it, stop trying to burn me man" like Darryl is doing now (Darryl has the flu I am so sorry Darryl I will miss you so much) but it is too late for them and you must contain the disease.

That should keep you all healthy for a while.

It's the Christmas season

It's the Christmas season. That means that Santa Claus is coming. Coming to EAT CITYRAT.

You are saying "ho ho CityRat of course he's not, Santa Claus is fat and jolly!" Well ho ho ho YOU'RE STUPID YOU HORRIBLE STUPID PERSON! Santa Claus is evil and nasty and evil and bad! Sure he's fat - fat from eating CityRat! -like things! Sure he's jolly - with Evil!

Every year I have to spend Christmas Eve sittin in front of the fireplace with a pitchfork and a Santa Shield to protect me in case he shows up. Savannah thinks I'm overreacting but let's see how much you overreact Savannah when Santa comes on Christmas to eat your squishy guts!

Stupid evil Santa! Why won't he go away and leave me alone!