Darryl's weaving lackies

I was talking to Darryl today, cause Nick wasn't responding, and Darryl was apparently just slacking off and not doing anything,

So I says to Darryl, "Your company just makes fabric...right?"

And Darryl says,"well we dye the yarns, weave the product, mend any flaws, scour the goods, dye the woven goods, chemically coat the rolls, apply various laminated backings to the goods, cut the rolls into smaller pieces, or slices if they are for vertical blinds, or pleat them if they are for a pleated blind...but yes, we just make fabric."

Then I said, "OK. Savannah and I were wondering last night, i thought that's what they did but couldn't remember. I also can't recall how we got on the subject."

And Darryl says, "Because Darryl is amazing. That’s all the reason you need."

Then I was all like, "Yes, that's right, now I remember. We were having a conversation about how amazing Darryl is."

***begin recap of conversation about Darryl***

I was like, "I wonder what he does at work? Wouldn't that be so fascinating to find out what he does all day every day?"
And Savannah was like, "Totally! Darryl should totally be life casting. In fact, we should spring for the mobile gear for him!"
And I was like, "I don't think that's a good idea, he wants to be 'net anonymous now."
And Savannah was like, "Oh that's right. I forgot how the homo-erotic forest scandal of 2008 scarred him and caused him to go underground."
And then Peanut came in and was all like, "I miss your friend Darryl, he was the best!"
And I was like, "Peanut go back to bed or you're grounded!"
And Peanut was like, "WAAAAHHH!!!!! I MISS DARRYL! I MISS THE SUNFIRE!"
And then the cats came in and did a little soft shoe routine with top hats and canes.
And when I got hungry and I went and made a sandwich.
But I couldn't eat the sandwich, cause it had eyes, and kept staring at me every time I went to take a bite.
So I put the sandwich in a sock, and left it on the balcony.
When I woke up the jack-o-lanterns had devoured the sandwich, and most of the sock...they had bits of sock in their teeth.
I was like, "Hey jack-o-lantern, you got a little something in your teeth."
But the jack-o-lantern was rude, and just sat their grinning at me with sock bits stuck in it's rotting teeth.
And I was like, "Damn you rude jack-o-lantern, damn you and all your little pumpkin friends!"
And the phone rang, it was the police.
The police called to tell me that I was being racist towards jack-o-lanterns, and if I continued they would arrest me for hate crimes.
So I was like, "Sorry little piggy, I'll never be mean to a jack-o-lantern again."
Then the police hung up, didn't even say goodbye, kisses, I love you, nothing.
Then I went to staring out the window at the jack-o-lantern, silently curing his existence and it's delicious fleshy pie-ness.
And I waited.....

Then I got an idea.
I wrote a goodbye, so long, farewell note with my wrong hand.
I then snuck out on the balcony and pinned it to the jack-o-lantern, and before it could do anything about it i threw it off the balcony where it landed in the grass with a muted squishy thud like noise.
I laughed at the demise of the jack-o-lantern. But the laughing didn't last long.
As I turned to reenter the house the other jack-o-lantern sat silently screaming in terror with a horrified "you just ate my cat" look on it's face.
So I says, "Listen up other jack-o-lantern! If you don't keep your candle lit mouth shut about this you're going into a pie!"
And the other jack-o-lantern stopped screaming and sat silently contemplating the compost bucket and the potted potatoes.
So i went back inside and went to bed, never to speak of the incident again.

***end recap of conversation about Darryl***

And that's how it all went down.

It's a hard road to justice. Sometimes it means blueberries.