DIY Emergency Management Guide

With all the unrest in the markets and global economy lately, and the severe beatings that Ike put on the big funny shaped state of Texas, I found it prudent that I should post some type of emergency management guide for the benefit of my readers. Will the two of you stop talking and please pay attention!

Disclaimer: This information is not my own. Anything you do from this guide is your own responsibility and I hold none of your responsibility. If you'd like to send me some of your responsibility I will store it for the low monthly payments of only $99.98! (shipping and handling extra). The authors of this information also hold none of your responsibility and shall smite you greatly for assuming such. With that in mind, this is reposted from Fafblog, but don't get your responsibility all in a bunch cause it'll chafe, and then you'll be in a whole other mess of chaffed bunchiness. With that out of the way, on with the guide!

If you're gettin worried that the government won't be there to help you out durin the next hurricane or earthquake or terrorist attack, don't panic! We're here with our Do-It-Yourself Emergency Management Guide! Today we're gonna show you how to get through a major disaster just usin stuff you've got lyin around the home.

You will need:

• construction paper
• glue or glue sticks
• a can of baking soda
• some play-doh (optional)
• 200 gallons of distilled water and 100 pounds of canned food

Make-And-Bake Clay Levee!

Make flood prevention easy AND fun with this emergency arts and crafts project!

1. Mix some cornstarch, baking soda, and water in a large bowl. Make sure it's evenly mixed!
2. Cook over low heat, stirring for about 15 minutes
3. When your mixture starts to thicken, take it off the stove and let it cool
4. Mold into an 8 foot high 20 foot wide levee
5. Decorate with seashells and macaroni!

How to Make a Paper Helicopter

For a quick homemade evacuation you just can't beat a paper helicopter. Make one on your own with the ancient Japanese folding art of oragami! Instructional drawings below. Follow closely!

Ta-da! For best results crease edges sharply. Carries up to four passengers weighing half an ounce each or eight passengers weighing a quarter ounce each.

Do-It-Yourself National Guard!

First get some old socks. Sew on some buttons for the eyes. Use yarn for the hair but keep it trimmed short on accounta disipline! Add some felt uniforms for a touch a flair. The striped sock is the sergeant, he is gruff but loyal. The fancy dress sock is the general, he commands the others with his fabricky leadership skills! The white running sock is the medic, he doubles as a bandage when you get hit by falling rubble. Now you're all set to be escorted out of the disaster zone with your new puppet pals! Be careful, though: they're armed... with imagination.